Presents!

So Matty, Heb, Frenchie, and I went and saw the new superman movie, I’ll throw up a review later. The important thing is that I got presents!

Presents

Hell’s yeah Starwars Angry Birds. Theres a Leia bird, and Chewie bird, and Luke bird, and a R2 bird! I SAID AN R2 BIRD, why aren’t you appreciating the fact that I have an R2D2 Angry Bird.

I don’t think they thought through the logistics through of giving me a toy like this however, they might need to look at the warning labels in future

Are they TRYING! to kill me?

and this joyous piece of good advice.

Go for the eyes Boo, go for the EYES!

So you mean i shouldn’t just point it at my eye and go to town? Am I to now believe that flinging small plastic objects at my optic nerves is a bad idea?! Since when? Fucking nanny state man, communist socialist control of the people man, their listening man, their listening and they want to control us!

ALSO I got a FUCKING PONY!!


GEORGE


A little pony of all my own! My very own Pony that is Little, im going to pert her and feed her, and name her George Pinkie Pie, and she’ll be the best little pony that is my own. Me and my Pony will be mates with other ponies and we’ll call each other… Bro Pones and it wont be weird at all. It’ll be cool because the nerd subculture is really inclusive and no-one will pre-judge as a risk to children or anything. Awww man its going to be so sweet. Thanks Matty and Heb.



You know what these guys are right. Friendship is magic. Hey and for you “friends” that couldn’t make it to the movie with me, thats cool and everything your still good friends, I mean you’re not like my movie going friends, but i still think you’re cool.

Brad’s New War

World War z is the movie adaption of World War Z, by Max Brooks A Novel of the Zombie apocalypse. I’ll review the book at another time, but if you have to have a review of the book here it is. Buy it, its awesome.

The movie makes some rapid departures from the book almost immediately setting itself apart as a similar but separate narrative. To be fair the book is almost unfilmable as a movie, it could be done as a series with each of the stories within the boo… ahh, i see what you did there. No I’m not going to talk about the book this is about the movie.

Within the scope of the movies narrative Brad Pitts character fulfills the same roll as his name sake within the book. He is both the main protagonist and the link to the history of the virus. We view this apocalypse through his eyes and we necessarily feel his peril. Without revealing any of the plot, Lane, Pitts Character, is tapped to find the source of the infection.

This becomes his impetus for moving from country to country, and its here that War Z rocks! The usual fare for a zombie movie is that we see a single town or if were lucky part of a city or in the notable cases of the walking dead and 28 days we see the loss of an entire country. Here in World War Z we see the downfall of humanity, and our civilization coming apart at the seems.

It makes for some amazing set pieces. Watching as the living breathing organism of a city pulls its self apart and shatters in its death throes is quite frankly some of the most amazing cinema I have seen.

Its not without its faults, the incredulity of Lanes survival after repeated and escalating encounters with the infected starts to bend what we are prepared to accept from even a zombie movie. The plot sometimes glosses over and ignores plot holes and major actors seem to be misused in bit parts without ever getting a chance to develop what was obviously intended larger roles within the plot of the movie.

All in all this is a good flick and worth the entrance fees.

A New bit of fiction im working on

The gods, Pontius Philus Orelius decided, were arseholes. The towering man in front of him stood clearing his immense warhammer from the loop on his belt. Pontius repeated his question “Are you Lief Gunderson, of the clan Gunder, son of Gunder and member of the Nortmen tribes?” The slap of the warhammers stone head hitting the meat of the Nortmans palm punctuated his question and seemed to quietly reverberate in the silence of the now deathly quiet tavern common room

“What if I am little Toad?” The Nortman’s mocking tone made fun of his lacquered green Politian armour. His cold eyes and easy confidence making the absurdity of Pontius’s challenge plain to all within the tavern. The Nortman began laughing and looking around at his cronies “Have you come to take me away?”

The rest of the men in the tavern began laughing now. No-one liked the Politia, and everyone wanted to see the little Sunderman in his green armour taken down a peg, or two, or ten. Pontius smiled at the Nortmans laughter and repeated his question a hard note of command entering his voice “Are you Lief Gunderson, and will you submit to testing, or present proof of your service or citizenship?”

The laughter in the bar died down, this little toad was not acting as expected. Surely he knew he was outnumbered tens to one, and even if no-one helped the Nortman he stood over 6 foot tall, was well muscled and carried a warhammer that must have weighed over 15 pounds. The Nortman carried it like he knew how to use it, he had the look of a man who would use it. Conversely Pontius’s head barely cleared the Nortmans solar plexus, and while his Politian scalemail was bulky it did little to hide his wiry frame and slender build. Everybody else seemed to know how this would go, why didn’t the Politian?

The Nortman’s face was red with anger now as he answered the little Politian “Yes I am Lief Gunderson little man, and I will go nowhere with you” Ponitus was already moving as the Nortmans massive warhammer barely clearing the ceiling came smashing down towards where his head used to be, the immense Nortman moving with unusual speed barely correcting his swing in time to avoid being thrown off his balance and arcing the hammer out to one side to follow Ponitus. Ponitus ducked under his swing his Gladius seemingly appearing from nowhere to appear to hand in a reverse grip, the hard steel ball of the pommel facing up the flat of the blade resting against his forearm, stepping forward inside the giants grasp he kicked out with his hard scaled sabatons catching the man on the inside of his right knee, quickly following with a rapid punch of the gladius’s pommel to man’s vulnerable solar plexus. The Nortmans breath escaped him in a single massive gasp he droped to his uninjured kneed heaving and struggling to breath, stepping closer now Pontius grasped the man by his shirt collar and smashed the pommel of his sword into the big man’s head once, twice, three times until he felt the man drop into unconsciousness and then danced backed swinging the Gladius around in his hand changing his grip to face the blade forward. He glared around the room, the stunned silence of the men within was almost deafening. He met each of their gazes and when he could he held it till they looked away. When he was sure that none would attempt to avenge their fallen friend he turned to consider the fallen Nortman before him.

Stepping forward Ponitus pulled the thin Lamia charmed silver bracelets from within his belt pouch while he rolled the big Nortman onto his front pulling his hands around behind him straightening the mans arms wile he slapped a bracelet on each wrist he muttered the word of binding and bracelets firmed and snapped together behind the mans back finding each other like separate pieces of loadstone. Pontius knew that no matter how hard he tried he knew the Nortman would not be able to separate the bracelets and free his hands.

“Lief Gunderson, of the clan of Gunder, son of Gunder, member of the Nortman Tribes. You stand accused of Desertion, Theft, Theft of Weapon, Murder, and Murder of a Citizen, You will return with me with to Cyphus Majoris and you will stand trial for your Crimes. Philus reached within him in a way he could never fully explain taping that core of magia within him and channelled it into the bracelets that bound the man’s hands behind his back. “You are bound by Law.” He felt his magia filling the lamia charmed bracelets and leaking into the big Nortman and when he knew the magia was in the right places he twisted it binding the man’s will to his own. “The Law will stand.”

How does this work again?

So let me get this straight.

I stop eating the foods i like. I pay a person $60 a month for access to a weights room
I “Train” until i hurt, because this is apparently how i “know its working”
Someone yells at me and calls me names… after i pay them.
And this is all somehow a good thing?

My be easier if i was just racist.

Needles and the Laughing Doctor.

  Pre Stitches

Yeah so this happened on Friday night. No big thing just a half a dozen stitches in my head.
The fucking doctor though. That guy. He did the thing were you say I’m going to go on 3 and went on 2, while he was taking about an inch and half of pre-scar tissue out of my head. Then laughed at me when I said ow. He fucking laughed at me.

You might think that he would start oh, I don’t know, not being a douche nozzle, but no. This guy, this guy had jokes. He starts telling me how he thinks he might be able to save my Modeling career, when we both know very well that its over, and ill never walk a catwalk in paris again. If thats not enough he was so miserly on the local anesthetic that i could feel, not just the pressure, actually feel him giving me all of the stitches, and every fucking stitch was the “last one mate i promise” -giggle-. This “healer” this “savior” of people was laughing his arse of at me. He also has the balls to ask me why i was squirming wasnt i big tuff bloke. I had to tell him fuck no, I’m a damn nerd. I fix computer, i dont routinely get into blues. To be honest at this point I’m not even sure that he did put only 6 in me, i might have shitloads more.

Then he tells me I’m going to need a tetanus needle when i tell him I cant remember if I have had on in the last 10 years, so he says ah you’ll need the whole thing not just a booster, and he came back with i swear to fucking god. The godfather of hypodermics. Other lesser hypodermics sit around campfires telling scary stories about this needle, they threaten their hypodermic needle children with stories of this fucker to keep quiet at night, and on the straight and narrow. It was a big needle is what im saying. Then he stuck me with it. Yes it hurt.

Ah well I’m not dead.

I know how this guy feels now though.

I dont want to be that guy

I don’t..

However and maybe its just age. But the sign on my mailbox clearly says no junk mail. Today I had junk mail. And not like that semi, to the householder political junk. Actual buy our shit (cleaning services) in the mailbox, its not even in an envelope its just straight out junk. What I want to do is call the phone number and say look. Fella, mate, pal. Its not that I’m angry, and I don’t want anyone to loose their job but my mail box is clearly labeled no junk mail. Have a chat to your delivery people would you, k thanks bye.

I know it will achieve nothing, except to make some poor call centre monkey’s job harder and i’d get ignored but i so damn want to do it.

Australia post, yeah i know its a topic stretch. But its what i could find.