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Presents!

So Matty, Heb, Frenchie, and I went and saw the new superman movie, I’ll throw up a review later. The important thing is that I got presents!

Presents

Hell’s yeah Starwars Angry Birds. Theres a Leia bird, and Chewie bird, and Luke bird, and a R2 bird! I SAID AN R2 BIRD, why aren’t you appreciating the fact that I have an R2D2 Angry Bird.

I don’t think they thought through the logistics through of giving me a toy like this however, they might need to look at the warning labels in future

Are they TRYING! to kill me?

and this joyous piece of good advice.

Go for the eyes Boo, go for the EYES!

So you mean i shouldn’t just point it at my eye and go to town? Am I to now believe that flinging small plastic objects at my optic nerves is a bad idea?! Since when? Fucking nanny state man, communist socialist control of the people man, their listening man, their listening and they want to control us!

ALSO I got a FUCKING PONY!!


GEORGE


A little pony of all my own! My very own Pony that is Little, im going to pert her and feed her, and name her George Pinkie Pie, and she’ll be the best little pony that is my own. Me and my Pony will be mates with other ponies and we’ll call each other… Bro Pones and it wont be weird at all. It’ll be cool because the nerd subculture is really inclusive and no-one will pre-judge as a risk to children or anything. Awww man its going to be so sweet. Thanks Matty and Heb.



You know what these guys are right. Friendship is magic. Hey and for you “friends” that couldn’t make it to the movie with me, thats cool and everything your still good friends, I mean you’re not like my movie going friends, but i still think you’re cool.

Needles and the Laughing Doctor.

  Pre Stitches

Yeah so this happened on Friday night. No big thing just a half a dozen stitches in my head.
The fucking doctor though. That guy. He did the thing were you say I’m going to go on 3 and went on 2, while he was taking about an inch and half of pre-scar tissue out of my head. Then laughed at me when I said ow. He fucking laughed at me.

You might think that he would start oh, I don’t know, not being a douche nozzle, but no. This guy, this guy had jokes. He starts telling me how he thinks he might be able to save my Modeling career, when we both know very well that its over, and ill never walk a catwalk in paris again. If thats not enough he was so miserly on the local anesthetic that i could feel, not just the pressure, actually feel him giving me all of the stitches, and every fucking stitch was the “last one mate i promise” -giggle-. This “healer” this “savior” of people was laughing his arse of at me. He also has the balls to ask me why i was squirming wasnt i big tuff bloke. I had to tell him fuck no, I’m a damn nerd. I fix computer, i dont routinely get into blues. To be honest at this point I’m not even sure that he did put only 6 in me, i might have shitloads more.

Then he tells me I’m going to need a tetanus needle when i tell him I cant remember if I have had on in the last 10 years, so he says ah you’ll need the whole thing not just a booster, and he came back with i swear to fucking god. The godfather of hypodermics. Other lesser hypodermics sit around campfires telling scary stories about this needle, they threaten their hypodermic needle children with stories of this fucker to keep quiet at night, and on the straight and narrow. It was a big needle is what im saying. Then he stuck me with it. Yes it hurt.

Ah well I’m not dead.

I know how this guy feels now though.

I’ll get right on that!

This conversation actually happened.

ME: Ok so it looks like the exchange cluster is having some capacity issues they have some people working on it, and that is why some people can get on and some people cant. It is getting worked on as we speak, and I think they’ll have it working again soon.

Stupid Person : Well can you send out an email so that people know why they cant access the server?

Me : Silence (internal dialogue, their joking right… I mean I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this person tie their own laces so they can actually be this stupid.)

Stupid Person : Well?

Me : I cant send out the email, because I cant connect to the server, and even if I could the people affected by it couldn’t get the email.

Stupid Person : What do you mean?

Me : Try turning off and then on again, that might help…

TPG are the worst

Just the fucking worst.

My parents swapped providers to TPG to take advantage of their cheaper plans. They advised that within 3 days they would be moved to a TPG line and that the modem would need to be reset and new passwords would need to be put into the router. On Friday last the plan changed over. They haven’t been able to authenticate since. The ADSL line is up, they claim to not see the authentication attempts and the previous provider can see that the connection has been cancelled with them.

3 or 4 round robin escalation to their “Engineers” later. Wait. I was going to gloss over this, but im not. This is incredibly frustrating I can only imagine what a non tech person must feel like when they say things like… have you tried another phone cable? Why pray tell me would i need another phone cable if the ADSL light if fucking solid you fucking process monkey. Have you tried another modem..? who just has multiple modems lying around. Have you tried to connect directly to the router, and not via wireless? What in the name of God’s left testicle will that do for a router failing to connect authenticate.

The promised call back from an engineer never happens so you call them back the next day. Then you get the same stupid fucking questions all over again, even though they say that they can see the existing fucking job. Eventually you loose your shit and demand to speak to these elusive engineers. I get the feeling that these engineers are in fact just someone else in the call centre WHO THEN PROCEEDS TO ASK YOU THE SAME FUCKING QUESTIONS!!! Eventually if you can withhold the rage burning with in you, you can fight through the dimming red corners of your vision you can get an actual honest to god Telstra appointment. Because TPG dont own their own exchange they rent space on Telstra’s so now you come to earth shattering realisation that nothing you did matters. That all of that was for fuck all, because TPG cant fix your problem they need Telstra to do it for them. So you get a booking for a Telstra line tech.

A Telstra tech was allegedly booked for midday today to do a proper test on the line. Now I haven’t heard from them all day, so I call to speak to the “engineer” again. I get yet another process monkey who tells me that “Due to a back up of problems in the area, the Telstra schedule has been delayed by at least a week. The earliest they can get someone to the site would be 17th but most likely we would expect to see this issue resolved on the 19th”

This ladies and gentlemen is where I loose the fucking plot. I mean absolutely lost it. I am now awaiting a call from the manager of the tech support call centre to get this issue resolved within the week or I will be laying grievous telecom ombudsmen smackdown.

I wish it had been that funny